I can’t say exactly when Melissa and I decided to get married but we talked about it last summer when I visited her in Pittsburgh. It was probably some time during the fall of last year that we decided. We figured the best time for it to happen would be when Melissa was coming here this summer.
I didn’t know much about what it takes to get married, but I found some helpful information at the website of the Swedish Tax Agency (Skatteverket). You have to apply for a marriage license in order to be allowed to marry in Sweden. The basic requirements are that you are not married to someone else already, and that you are not too closely related to your significant other. Melissa and I had hoped that we would be able to file our application beforehand, so I went down to the local tax office at the end of February. Melissa was scheduled to arrive on June 17, we had gotten that far in our planning. We were hoping to get married basically as soon as possible, maybe even the next day, that is Saturday June 18. What we didn’t know, however, was that you may only send in your application beforehand if both the people who are getting married live in Sweden. Otherwise both people have to show up and hand it in, in person. Probably so that the authorities can verify your identities and such. That makes sense. We just didn’t know.
Then there was the question of time. Melissa was going to be here for two weeks. The people I talked to at the tax office said that it usually takes two to three weeks to get the permit back, but in special cases you can ask to have your matter resolved more quickly. In those cases it usually takes about a week, or so they told me. So, yeah, our only choice then was to hand in the application as soon as Melissa got here. Aside from showing her passport, Melissa also had to present proof from her home country that she was not already married. She got a transcript of the records, called a record of no record, from the local department of court records in Allegheny County, which is the county that Pittsburgh belongs to. Melissa asked to get two copies. She mailed one to me and brought one with her when she flew over. Just to be on the safe side.
A record of no record.
Anyway… Time passed and all of a sudden I was meeting Melissa at the train station in downtown Västerås, around lunchtime on Friday June 17, 2011. We went directly to the tax office to file our application. When we got there, there was a very helpful woman who helped us fill out the form. We asked her if it was possible for them to speed up their handling of our application for a marriage license and she said we could ask to have that done on a special part of the form. Naturally Melissa’s copy of the record of no record was in her suitcase, which – naturally – most likely was in Amsterdam at the time, so it was fortunate that she had the foresight to mail the other copy to me beforehand. When we were done filling out the form, we handed in all the papers to a different woman who worked at the office, and she made copies of Melissa’s passport and my ID card, and then she put away the application papers to be mailed to the headquarters of the Population Registration authority, whose HQ is in Malmö, or so I’ve heard. All we had to do now was wait impatiently and keep our fingers crossed.
The days passed and we were busy meeting friends and family (for example we were treated to an oustandingly delicious dinner at my grandma and grandpa, a very tasty beef stew that my grandpa cooked), checking out different sights worth seeing around Västerås, celebrating Midsummer’s Eve, and simply spending quality time together of course. Day after day flew by but no papers from the Tax Agency. On Thrusday, the day before Midsummer, we went down to the office for civil marriage at City Hall to see if we could get some information and perhaps make some sort of preliminary reservations, but we were not that fortunate. The woman we talked to said they needed to see the permit and that they also preferred one day’s notice, so they could make the necessary preparations.
So, yeah. The weekend and the following Monday passed as well. On Tuesday June 28, at around 3:30 in the afternoon when we got back from our trip to Almö Lindö, we checked the mail, and still nothing. We started to get a little nervous. Melissa was scheduled to return home Saturday that week, so we only really had Wednesday, Thursday and Friday left. We decided to call the Tax Agency. I called at maybe 3:45 and was transferred to the Population Registration department. I got to talk to a middle-aged woman and I said that my name is such and such and I was just wondering about the status of our application for a license to get married, since we were running out of time. She said something like they had received our application and it’s waiting to be processed. I said that, well, when we handed in the papers in Västerås we had asked if they could speed things on since we only had a limited time in which to get married, we were hoping our application would have already been approved, we wrote that on the form before we handed it in. She said, and it’s highly likely that I will remember this line for the rest of my life: ”Well, that doesn’t really matter because nobody actually looks at the papers anyway.”
Whoops! What the Hell do you say to that? I was shocked! I saw everything go up in smoke before my eyes. My first thought was that now Melissa had gotten the wedding dress all for nothing. Eff. U. See. Kay! It was like a kick in the guts. Thanks for nothing, you damn dirty bastards!
The woman said she would put our application in the pile for prioritized requests. She thought it might be settled around lunch the following day, but as the bureaucrat she was, she couldn’t make any promises, of course. Oh well. Nothing to do but hope for the best. Which was not especially easy to do at the time. Melissa doesn’t know Swedish but I think she still understood that something wasn’t right. I had to fight really hard to hold back the tears and Melissa was doing the same.
About ten minutes later the phone rings. It was a different woman from the Tax Agency who called, and she said she was looking at our application right now. She said that everything seemed to be in order, the only thing she wondered about was whether we handed in our application personally, since Melissa doesn’t live in Sweden. I said that we most certainly did, at the local office in Västerås, the same day as Melissa got here. She said the person to whom we handed in the papers should have made a note of that when she accepted our application, she must have forgotten to cross a box on her computer or a form or something like that. But the woman said that since she had all the information she needed, she was going to approve our application right there and then, and register it in the computer system. So if only the local office in Västerås had been open, we could have gone down there and gotten the license printed that same afternoon, but since they closed at 4 and this was maybe five to four so there was no way we were gonna be able to get there in time, so we had to wait until Wednesday anyway.
So instead we went downtown to the Tax Agency the next morning, the office opened at 10. As we sat there waiting for our turn, I thought to myself that I wasn’t taking anything for granted. The computer might still catch a virus, the printer might get jammed, or something like that. But nothing happened. To our great relief and happiness we finally got the marriage license and made our way to City Hall. When we got to the Civil Marriage office we found that there was a different woman there, not the same person as the week before. She asked when we wanted to get married, and we said as soon as possible, so maybe tomorrow, Thursday? She told us to suggest a time of day, and we thought for a bit and said five o’clock. We figured that way more people would be able to make it there in time after work and such. She turned to her desk and opened a calendar… Everything was going in slow-motion… ”I don’t think we can manage that” she said. ”A different couple have already booked that time slot.” Oh fuck! Not again! She looked again and it turned out the other couple had cancelled their reservation, so we booked the time slot: five PM, Thursday, June 30, in the year of our Lord 2011. We gave her my phone number and our e-mail addresses and names and addresses for the two people we wanted to act as witnesses to the ceremony, and then we were on our way, relieved more than happy I think, and starting to believe that this was actually going to happen after all.
After that we strolled around a bit downtown, went to a couple of different stores and had a traditional, genuine Swedish kebab platter at Tip Top, one of the oldest kebab restaurants in Västerås. After that we went out to mom and dad’s at Norra Gryta, and once there we had the pleasure of meeting Nino’s mom, grandma and his two kid sisters. It was nice and cozy. And hot! Later in the evening a couple of Martin’s friends came by and Melissa and I stayed for dinner, and then we headed home and started baking cheeescake for the wedding party. How often do you bake cheesecake at eleven o’clock at night?
Then came the big day.
I don’t remember much of what we did before it was time to go downtown to get married, but we did talk to Melissa’s daughter Amber on Skype. That was very nice. I didn’t feel nervous, but for maybe an hour or two right before it was time to leave I had butterflies in my stomach, although not in a bad way. My mom finally came to pick up Melissa and I and we went downtown. We parked the car and walked over to City Hall. The weather was spectacular, very sunny and nice, but also very hot. A wonderful group of people were beginning to gather outside the entrance where they we were going to let us in. We then walked through the corridors of City Hall to the Red Room, where the actual ceremony was to be held.
Melissa puts her veil on my cousin Jonna's head.
The person who presided over the ceremony, Ragnhild Källberg, had a very good idea. She said that usually when people get married at church they always have their backs turned to the congregation. She thought it was a better idea if Melissa and I were to face to gathered guests and she could have her back turned to the congregation. I think that was a neat idea. I liked Ragnhild, even though she was more long-winded than we had expected. And a couple of times things got a little complicated. Melissa doesn’t know Swedish but she still insisted that the wedding ceremony was to be held in Swedish, even if City Hall offers to have it in English (and a couple of other languages too if I am not mistaken). Her reasoning was that if you get married in Sweden, the ceremony ought to be in Swedish. Furthermore, I don’t think Ragnhild was aware of the fact that Melissa is from the US. A couple of times she asked me yes-or-no questions. At one point she asked me ”do you feel different now?” And at that particular time, I didn’t feel any different. But I thought to myself that I couldn’t well say ”no”, cause if I would Melissa might misunderstand that and think I didn’t want to marry her. So instead I said ”yes, a little.”
Once Ragnhild got to the essential part, when she asked Melissa and I if we wanted to marry each other, then I started feeling different, that was a wonderful feeling. I can honestly say that that was the best moment of my life. I have never been as happy as I was at that moment. I have found the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world, I love her dearly and she loves me back. It just doesn’t get any better than that.
My friend Micke signs the affidavit assuring that he has witnessed the wedding ceremony.
And so did Dan. It felt right to ask Dan to witness the ceremony. It is, after all, thanks to him that Melissa and I met in the first place.
Mr. and Mrs. Brav.
Isn't she adorable?
After the wedding ceremony we went out to Snödroppsvägen, to resume the festivities. Good food, all the wonderful family and friends, beautiful weather, lots of lovely gifts… It was no ordinary day, that’s for sure. A day I will always remember.
Me, Wenne, Micke and Dan, and little Alvin in the stroller.
Carola, Lisa and Minja.
Elis and my nephew Nino thinks the pool looks very tempting.
Malin and Minja in the foreground
Maybe next time it will be her turn?
My maternal grandma Ulla and my paternal grandma Britta.
My (maternal) grandpa Bengt, Felix and my aunt Erika.
My aunt Kattis and Greger.
Behind the camera is my brother Martin.
Min darling Melissa.
Mimmi and my cousin Viktor.
By the door you can see my cousin Amanda, my dad Göran and my cousin Josefine. Sitting by the table are grandma, my uncle Staffan and Björn.
Amanda, Josefine and grandma.
Helena and my nephew Hampus.
Melissa's delicious New York-style cheesecake, and in the foreground you can see the heavenly blueberry- and raspberry cheesecake.
Refreshments for the kids.
My brother Matte, Hampus and Helena.
Björn and my cousin Malin.
My aunt Gunilla.
Erika.
Viktor and grandpa.
Matte.
My cousin Felix.
Emilia and Mårten.
Alvin had to settle for alternative food.
Malin.
Me, Wenne and Micke.
The traditional cutting of the cake.
Erika and dad.
Dan and Lisa watches over the opening of the presents.
We received a lot of wonderful gifts.
Melissa and her new buddy Minja, on the way to the kubb match.
We finished off the day with a kubb match, the girls vs. the boys. You may think I’m trying to fool you, but I actually won the game for my team by knocking down the final stick. Melissa was great at kubb, she knocked down a whole bunch of sticks. It was a fun way to end the day. After the kubb match it was time to retire and we hitched a ride with my aunt Kattis. We got home at midnight. I don’t remember exactly when we fell asleep. So, yeah, that’s the story of the day when Melissa and I got married, Thursday June 30, 2011 – the best day of my life.